Nervous

I have an appointment now Friday and again when we get back from vacation on the 21st.
I will be 10w6d Friday and 13w4d on the 21st.

I am very very nervous when it comes to the nuchal translucency scan. And the blood test that goes with it.

I am 37 years old, and I know age is an "issue". My doc says 38 is now the age at which they recommend an amnio, not 35 like they used to. I don't know what the difference is between my 37 and 38, but oh well.
I know that Down's isn't always connected to the woman's age.
I don't remember worrying about it this much with the boys or even with Dylan.

A dear friend told me about a new blood test a while ago, MaterniT21, a non-invasive genetic test. I don't live in the US, so I started googling. It took me a while, but I did find a similar test they offer here. (They don't offer the MaterniT21.)
About a week later, there was an article in the newspaper about this new blood test which "replaces" the amnio.
The only draw-back is that the test is expensive! It's about 600 Euros and insurance doesn't cover it.

I talked to T about it. He was hesitant. He is a very positive person and didn't want to talk about these things or make decisions until we are there and we may have to talk about it. He is such an optimist that he believes all we ok no matter what....
While I admire that in him, I think he should realize that life isn't like that (even after losing Dylan he is still like this) and he needs to talk about certain things now.....

I told him that he needs to think about what he would want to do if they were to tell us that the baby may have down's.
I don't know if I could keep it. I don't know if I would be capable of having a disabled baby and raising a disabled child. I don't know if I want to completely change my children's lives by having a disabled child.

So, we will have the NT scan and the blood test (the normal one). I will talk to my doc about the new blood test. I would like to get it done now Friday, but we will see what she says.

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I have been spotting slightly since yesterday afternoon. Only when I go to the bathroom, when I wipe, a bit of brownish slime. No blood in my undies. Nothing this morning. But when I just went to the bathroom again now, there was a bit of spotting again.

Argh. I had a bit of spotting with Dylan around 8 weeks. It went away by itself and was nothing.
So I'm not freaking out completely, but I am worried.

I've been worried about so much the past 10 weeks. And I will probably worry for another 6 months if all goes well......