Catching up....

I need to catch up on the photo challenge.....
I thought posting every day would be easy, but the past week has been busy. The first week of school for the boys also brought along the first week of organizing all the other stuff. I forgot about being taxi-mom over the summer and now have to get back into the routine of combining work, school, swimming and soccer practice and all the other stuff we have going on....

 7 Golden:

I took this picture Saturday evening in Holland in the cutest little town before we had dinner. T had gotten tickets from work to go to the KLM open golf tournament for the weekend and we decided to make it a weekend getaway without kids.....
We had a wonderful weekend.....we stayed at a beautiful little B&B I found on the internet. Even though neither of us are golf players, the golf tournament was fun and we had a great time.
The almost 30° C weather all weekend probably had something to do with it too! :-)

8 Music:

I'm someone who plays the same song over and over and over again when I like it. This is the one which I listen to most often at the moment.....on repeat!

9 Honey:

Honey in tea....honey on a piece of white bread with butter.....a little piece of heaven...

10 Morning:

My cup of coffee.....no morning is complete without it!

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Now, on to a post which has been on my mind the past few days.
You may remember I mentioned being in a 2WW after vacation.
Well, I got period. Of course I did.

Last Sunday I spent a day thinking I was going to get my period (it was due that day). I had mild cramps all day and just felt the way I feel before I get my period.
Every time I went to pee, I was anxious. Every time I went to pee and wasn't bleeding I thought "could it be?" And I was happy. Anxious, but happy. Thinking we might be....

On Monday, the first day of school so I had a day off and was at home with lots of time to think, I had a panicky day. I din't have cramps any more and was convinced my period wasn't coming.
No more happy thoughts, but a day filled with panic..... I don't know why. But all I could think of on Monday was how freaked I was at the thought of being pregnant.
I want to be pregnant again. I'm pretty sure of that. But I'm also terrified.

Monday night after going to the gym, I started bleeding a bit. I was sad when I did. And a tiny bit relieved.
I had a horrible period, all week long..... I usually have light periods, only bleeding for 3 or 4 days. Not this time. No, I bled for almost a full week.

I don't know what to think now. I had such mixed feelings before I got my period and once it came I was mostly sad.
I wish it would be easier than this. Yes, I would love to be pregnant again and have another baby. But being as scared as I am is making it hard.....

2 in 1

Prompt 5 Pure:

This is lavender in my front garden. I love my lavender, it smells so good when you walk by it and it's beautiful in the sunlight.....

Prompt 6 Book:

Ok, ok, I know what you must be thinking about these books.....
I was pretty hesitant at first too. But after my cousin, who reads what I read, told me she loved them, I decided to get them before vacation.
I loved them. I read the three books in exactly 3 days. I can't wait to read them again soon!! :-)
I don't usually read this kind of stuff, but I caved and haven't regretted it one bit!

So sad....

Please go give my dear friend Steph over at Sometimes some love. She found out that there was no heartbeat yesterday at her ultrasound.

School

This one is fun.....
The boys just started school after a 2-month summer vacation.

I now have a third grader and a first grader. I am one proud mommy!!
Though Monday was also a bit of a sad, emotional day. Having L go to first grade was hard. He's growing up so fast....

These are the boys' book-bags. L has the red one and X the blue one. 

When L puts it on his back and turns around, it looks like the bag is going for a walk with a little boy! :-) I'm sure he'll grow into the bag soon, but right now I feel bad that my little baby (he's only 5 years old!) has to carry that huge bag to school every day!

 

White

White is a hard prompt. Really hard. I've been thinking about it all day.....
Nothing. That's what I had.

Until tonight.
I was soaking a shirt in some hot water with detergent to get a stain out.

Bubbles. That's my white picture.

No special memory or meaning behind this one.
Just the bubbles.....

Fire

Wow, I never thought my post from yesterday would get such beautiful comments.... thank you everyone!

The second prompt is fire.

This one is easy.

This is a picture I took when I got home from the hospital after losing Dylan.

I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days because of that cursed listeria bacteria I had. During my stay in the hospital, my colleague came to visit me.
I had told people I didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to have any visitors except my mom and kids.
But she came anyway. She took half a day off at work, got me some beautiful flowers and candles. 3 big candles. To burn when we got home. For Dylan.
This is the first candle we lit when we got home. The candle was lit every night for weeks... We still light the candles in the weekend when we're home.

It may not be the literal picture of fire, but when I saw the prompt, this picture came to mind right away.

Dylan, this picture is for you. We burn this candle in your memory.

The first Challenge

Of course the first prompt already has me wondering what to do, which picture to take, what to post....

Beginning. That's the prompt.

After thinking about this last night and this morning, I think I have made up my mind.

I had some ideas. A lot of them had to do with the boys. I thought about how when X was born, that day was the beginning of my life as a mother. When I found out I was pregnant with X or L, I took pics of the pregnancy test or of the first ultrasound. That was the beginning of a new life.

But I have another son. The beginning of his life was beautiful....he spent a wonderful 5 months in my belly. But he never really got to start living.

So the idea of posting something which had to do with my kids was put aside.
Not that the beginning of their lives aren't cherished memories for me.
But losing Dylan is still too fresh.

So. On to the Photo Challenge....

Today is our anniversary. T and I met 11 years ago at a wedding.

I like to think of today as being a new beginning. A new beginning after losing our precious angel. A new life for us after that tragic day 7 months ago. A new beginning for us as a family, because we have managed to stay whole.
A new beginning with maybe a new baby? (I'm still in my 2WW....period is due tomorrow by the way)

I don't know what the future will bring us, but I do know that we are ok. We have lost our precious third son, but we can look forward again and maybe start to hope again....

So here is my picture:

I took this picture early this morning when I was taking X to swimming practice.
I love the early morning sun on a beautiful sunny day like today....

This is my beginning. The beginning of a beautiful day.
But so much more.....