ok, so I'm really behind on the Photo Challenge now. It's just been so busy the past few days that I haven't had a chance to sort through my pictures and post them for the challenge.
I have Wednesday off and it will be a me-day. Among other things, I will try and catch up with the challenge....


Now, on to my post....

I used to think pregnant women were the most beautiful thing ever. I actually still think that. But I also have other feelings now when I see a pregnant woman. It hurts. That's the only way to explain it.
The same goes for babies. I love little babies. They are adorable. I just want to hold them....

A couple of weeks ago my colleague showed up at work with her newborn son. I wasn't prepared and freaked out when I saw her. I started crying and ran away.
A week or so later, I went to visit another colleague and her newborn son and I was ok. I had been able to prepare myself that I would see a baby and I didn't freak out or cry.

Is this the norm now? Do I need to be prepared so I don't freak out?

Today I was at the pool. I saw someone I know through the window in the cafeteria. I said hello and didn't really pay attention to her anymore.
At one point I looked over again and saw her belly. Her pregnant belly.
I had to look away and swallow hard so I wouldn't cry.

When I saw T later I asked if she was pregnant. (I was hoping I hadn't seen it right) He said "yes, didn't you know?"
No, I did not know.
He didn't get what the problem was. I had to explain to him that being unprepared for things like that make me want to cry.

Don't get me wrong, I still think pregnant bellies are absolutely beautiful. And I'm very happy for women who are pregnant.
But it makes me ache.

I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.

Blue

I'm in Frankfurt, Germany right now, lying in a bed in a hotel room. Alone. For work.
Had meetings all day and going to a trade fair tomorrow and hopefully get home at a decent hour tomorrow night.
Have I mentioned I do not like traveling for work? Well I don't.

Thankfully we live in a day and age with free internet in most hotels and I have my iPhone and laptop with me so I can keep myself a bit busy....
I called T and the boys a while ago to say hi. I miss them. I really don't like traveling for work because it means I don't see them.

Anyway, I'm a day or so behind on the photo challenge, but I haven't forgotten about it.

Here is Blue:

The blue(ish) sky I saw early this morning when driving to meat my boss before we left for Germany.

I need some serious inspiration for Run (if there is one thing I do not do, it's running) and Roald Dahl..... will try and think of something tomorrow :-)

Catching up....

I need to catch up on the photo challenge.....
I thought posting every day would be easy, but the past week has been busy. The first week of school for the boys also brought along the first week of organizing all the other stuff. I forgot about being taxi-mom over the summer and now have to get back into the routine of combining work, school, swimming and soccer practice and all the other stuff we have going on....

 7 Golden:

I took this picture Saturday evening in Holland in the cutest little town before we had dinner. T had gotten tickets from work to go to the KLM open golf tournament for the weekend and we decided to make it a weekend getaway without kids.....
We had a wonderful weekend.....we stayed at a beautiful little B&B I found on the internet. Even though neither of us are golf players, the golf tournament was fun and we had a great time.
The almost 30° C weather all weekend probably had something to do with it too! :-)

8 Music:

I'm someone who plays the same song over and over and over again when I like it. This is the one which I listen to most often at the moment.....on repeat!

9 Honey:

Honey in tea....honey on a piece of white bread with butter.....a little piece of heaven...

10 Morning:

My cup of coffee.....no morning is complete without it!

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Now, on to a post which has been on my mind the past few days.
You may remember I mentioned being in a 2WW after vacation.
Well, I got period. Of course I did.

Last Sunday I spent a day thinking I was going to get my period (it was due that day). I had mild cramps all day and just felt the way I feel before I get my period.
Every time I went to pee, I was anxious. Every time I went to pee and wasn't bleeding I thought "could it be?" And I was happy. Anxious, but happy. Thinking we might be....

On Monday, the first day of school so I had a day off and was at home with lots of time to think, I had a panicky day. I din't have cramps any more and was convinced my period wasn't coming.
No more happy thoughts, but a day filled with panic..... I don't know why. But all I could think of on Monday was how freaked I was at the thought of being pregnant.
I want to be pregnant again. I'm pretty sure of that. But I'm also terrified.

Monday night after going to the gym, I started bleeding a bit. I was sad when I did. And a tiny bit relieved.
I had a horrible period, all week long..... I usually have light periods, only bleeding for 3 or 4 days. Not this time. No, I bled for almost a full week.

I don't know what to think now. I had such mixed feelings before I got my period and once it came I was mostly sad.
I wish it would be easier than this. Yes, I would love to be pregnant again and have another baby. But being as scared as I am is making it hard.....

2 in 1

Prompt 5 Pure:

This is lavender in my front garden. I love my lavender, it smells so good when you walk by it and it's beautiful in the sunlight.....

Prompt 6 Book:

Ok, ok, I know what you must be thinking about these books.....
I was pretty hesitant at first too. But after my cousin, who reads what I read, told me she loved them, I decided to get them before vacation.
I loved them. I read the three books in exactly 3 days. I can't wait to read them again soon!! :-)
I don't usually read this kind of stuff, but I caved and haven't regretted it one bit!

So sad....

Please go give my dear friend Steph over at Sometimes some love. She found out that there was no heartbeat yesterday at her ultrasound.

School

This one is fun.....
The boys just started school after a 2-month summer vacation.

I now have a third grader and a first grader. I am one proud mommy!!
Though Monday was also a bit of a sad, emotional day. Having L go to first grade was hard. He's growing up so fast....

These are the boys' book-bags. L has the red one and X the blue one. 

When L puts it on his back and turns around, it looks like the bag is going for a walk with a little boy! :-) I'm sure he'll grow into the bag soon, but right now I feel bad that my little baby (he's only 5 years old!) has to carry that huge bag to school every day!

 

White

White is a hard prompt. Really hard. I've been thinking about it all day.....
Nothing. That's what I had.

Until tonight.
I was soaking a shirt in some hot water with detergent to get a stain out.

Bubbles. That's my white picture.

No special memory or meaning behind this one.
Just the bubbles.....