Life is hard!

ok, so I'm really behind on the Photo Challenge now. It's just been so busy the past few days that I haven't had a chance to sort through my pictures and post them for the challenge.
I have Wednesday off and it will be a me-day. Among other things, I will try and catch up with the challenge....


Now, on to my post....

I used to think pregnant women were the most beautiful thing ever. I actually still think that. But I also have other feelings now when I see a pregnant woman. It hurts. That's the only way to explain it.
The same goes for babies. I love little babies. They are adorable. I just want to hold them....

A couple of weeks ago my colleague showed up at work with her newborn son. I wasn't prepared and freaked out when I saw her. I started crying and ran away.
A week or so later, I went to visit another colleague and her newborn son and I was ok. I had been able to prepare myself that I would see a baby and I didn't freak out or cry.

Is this the norm now? Do I need to be prepared so I don't freak out?

Today I was at the pool. I saw someone I know through the window in the cafeteria. I said hello and didn't really pay attention to her anymore.
At one point I looked over again and saw her belly. Her pregnant belly.
I had to look away and swallow hard so I wouldn't cry.

When I saw T later I asked if she was pregnant. (I was hoping I hadn't seen it right) He said "yes, didn't you know?"
No, I did not know.
He didn't get what the problem was. I had to explain to him that being unprepared for things like that make me want to cry.

Don't get me wrong, I still think pregnant bellies are absolutely beautiful. And I'm very happy for women who are pregnant.
But it makes me ache.

I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.