I've had weird dreams about my best friend, babies, pregnant women, lots of baby bumps......
I've been in a bad mood most of the week, both at home and at work. People asking me if I'm ok, asking what's going on because I didn't seem like my usual self.
At home I've had a hard time handling the kids. I have NO patience with them right now.
I'm just not me right now. I'm trying to get my head around the news, trying to put myself in her shoes as it also can't be easy for her. Trying to think of how I can be a better friend because I think I've been a horrible friend. I apologized to her for my bad reaction last week and she said there's no need to apologize, she totally understood my reaction.
Dinner tomorrow is cancelled because she's stuck in bed with back pain. I hope we can meet up next week. I really feel like we need to have that evening together.....
My week was not better on the spotting front either.
After seeing my doc on the 27th, T and I set about to follow her instructions. Mind you, doing it on a schedule was not easy, but we were good and did it as instructed.
After seeing her, the spotting continued. It even turned from brown to reddish. I wasn't really worried because she had done the u/s and seen nothing abnormal.
It's now the 8th and I've been spotting for 2 weeks straight. Not huge bleeding, but enough spotting to not be able to go without panty liner(s).
I called my doc today because I'm starting to get worried.
My PAP results weren't in yet.
I told her about the spotting/bleeding again and told her it was starting to worry me.
We talked a bit, going over my last cycle and the appointment 9 days ago..... She asked if I tested in February because my period was late. Yes, I tested. It was negative. I got my period on the 15th. A heavy period, lots for bleeding, cramping.....
She said I can't do much except wait. And test again.
If it's negative wait till this cycle is over and then come in so she can monitor and stimulate my next cycle.
Call her back if it's positive.
I was never ever expecting this:
I'm freaking out now.
I called the doctor's office back when I got this result, couldn't get my doc on the phone because she had left for the day.
I explained everything to the receptionist and said I urgently needed an appointment as soon as possible.
I can go Monday at 2:15 pm. That's more than 2 days I have to wait......
If I'm pregnant, good.
If it's a miscarriage, I'll be sad but at least it would explain some things.
What I'm freaked out about is it being ectopic.
It can't be normal that I've been spotting for 2 weeks. And I had my period 3 weeks ago (or at least I thought it was my period).
I so hope that the weekend passes quickly (yeah, you'll never hear me saying that one again!) and that I don't start having stomach pains as I did a couple of years ago with my ectopic.....
Part of me hopes this is a miscarriage.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want anything more than for this to be a good, healthy pregnancy. But I'm just not sure.
Please just keep your fingers crossed that this isn't an ectopic pregnancy. I do not want to go through a surgery again.....
