Sharing.....

I am a FB addict. Have been for a while.
I check FB on my laptop, on my iPhone. I do this all day, every day.
I post almost everything on FB. Lots of pictures, of everything and anything. Status updates at all times during the day and night.
I do it all.

So, when I reached 12 weeks in this pregnancy, and we had told our family and friends, I posted an ultrasound picture on FB.

I spent many years living abroad as a child. I have reconnected with a lot of people from back then through FB. Some of them have become friends again, and even though we live in complete different parts of the world and don't see each other, we are friends.

This was the big reason for me announcing my pregnancy on FB.
And I had no reason not to. After my ectopic 2 years ago I was scared this time around. But I calmed down a lot after 12 weeks and was confident everything was ok.

Today, 11 days after Dylan was stillborn, I still haven't become active again on FB.
Earlier this week, I removed my pregnancy pictures and all status updates which had something to do with the pregnancy.
I have been debating about if and when I will say something about what happened. I'm scared that if I don't, someone will ask me something soon. Or will ask when the due date is around the corner.
I want to avoid this at all costs.
But sending this into the world of FB is also not something I really want to do.

I know I will have to do something at some point. As I was such an active FB person, I'm sure people will start wondering soon why I have become inactive.
As in completely inactive. I don't post anything, comment on anything, like anything, have a status update at all.
This is very unlike me. I'm actually surprised nobody has commented on my absence on FB.....

What to post, when to post it....these things are going through my head.
It's actually kind of pathetic how these thoughts are even in my head, thoughts about FB, when I am going through hell.

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Something else.
Do I share this with my friends?
I have told T he can read it if he wants. He doesn't want to, he says it's mine. It's my place to vent. Part of me wants T to read it, I want him to know what's going on in my head. Even though we talk a lot, I think I write things here in a different way......maybe he'll read it when he's ready.

But, do I share this with friends? I haven't really told people that I started a blog. No idea why. I could share with my best friend, but I'm not sure I want to.

I shared with one person I know. She's going through stuff herself and I think she gets it. She's also miles away and we haven't seen each other in many years. That doesn't make her less of a friend, but somehow easier to share this with because I don't see her.....

I don't know if everyone would understand why I write certain things down here.
I don't think they would dare to comment, but I'm not sure they'd understand it all....