Random kind of post

I haven't posted in a bit. I've been trying to keep up with reading everyone's blogs though.
I'm heartbroken for Belle over at Scrambled Eggs who recently lost her baby. Go send her some love and support....
But I've also been rooting for those who are in their first weeks of their pregnancies. Thinking of all of you! I hope you can enjoy this precious time!

Oh, and a big thank you for your advice on my birth control post. I know none of us are doctors, but I think your advice can be worth more than a doctor's....

There isn't really a reason why I've been absent. Except for the fact that I was at home with the boys and T from Wednesday till Sunday. So we had some quality family time. We spent our free days with friends, at the animal park, had dinner with friends, played Wii games and went swimming. Oh, and we finally had our first BBQ of the year!

Yesterday was the second "first day back" at work. I really didn't do anything that one day last week except talk to people. It was a very hard, emotionally exhausting day and I was very glad when it was over. I now know that it was a good decision to only go back that one day and then have some time with my family.

So going back again on Monday wasn't even half as hard. Well, except that this was the first Monday in 4 years that I have actually worked! :-) I only work 80% and used to have Mondays off. I have now switched my day off to Wednesdays to have more time to spend with the boys...

There were some colleagues on Monday who I hadn't seen yet, but I wasn't as emotional as last week. I am very proud to say that I did not cry at all on Monday.
I have decided to try and start from scratch at work. So I emptied my inbox and will try to not get annoyed about what wasn't done or wasn't done correctly while I was away.
I stayed at home for almost 4 months, which is a long time. I haven't completely gotten my head around the whole going back to work thing, and I don't know if I will ever be 100% committed again. But I will try and make it work. Any decision I make now (like quitting my job and being a stay-at-home-mom) would be an emotional decision. So I will see how it goes and will wait it out for a while.

Tomorrow is my first Wednesday off. I'm really looking forward to it. I will never again (at least for now) work more than 2 days in a row. That's nice!
And I get to spend all of Wednesday afternoon with the boys!!!

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I, or better T and I, have decided to not start the pill again. If and when we will actually start trying is still a big question mark. But I want to see how my body reacts without the pill.
I will start charting in the morning (I wanted to start today, the day I was supposed to take my first pill, but I forgot my thermometer downstairs) to see if my body is normal again. I used to be pretty regular and ovulated every month around the same time. Let's see if I'm normal again.

I read tons of blogs of women struggling with infertility. I know I should consider myself lucky to be "fertile".
I have dealt with an ectopic pregnancy (and emergency surgery) and losing a baby at 22 weeks. Both of these pregnancies were "normal" pregnancies.  But I was also TTC for almost a year, twice.
No, officially I am not infertile. I have always gotten pregnant on my own. I am hoping with all my heart that I can manage to get pregnant again by myself.

Being part of this community as a "fertile" person is awkward sometimes. I've known people with fertility problems and some who have gone through IVF. But I never really knew the details. Not until I started reading these blogs.

This has been going through my head for a while.
What if we decide to TTC and get pregnant? Will I still be able to write about it on my blog knowing that so many of you out there are struggling?

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Last, but not least, I have been lucky enough to win a prize from Adrift on a Dandelion Breeze when I participated in her BlogHop at the beginning of this month.
The prize was a gift certificate for a blog design website: http://blogdesigninspire.com/... I've been poking around and am starting to have some ideas for my blog. To make my blog more me....

I know my blog was drawn randomly. But it still brings a smile when I think of winning something with my blog! :-)